Confession Day 2


I had a plan for how my future would look, before I knew the Lord. I had a plan for how my future would look when I met the Lord. I even have plans for how my future will be, knowing the Lord. It has been the hardest thing for me to admit, that I don't trust the Lord with my future.

I don't trust Him to give me what I want, as I want it. I don't trust He will let me have what I want, as I want it, & I sure as heck don't trust Him to let me just stray from the path to get it.

I struggle daily with saying You know better Lord. I know that You're El Shaddai & a good Abba. I struggle to not be double minded & hypocritical when I speak to the Lord & then walk it out. I will pray, let Your will be done Father. Then hold on to the things that aren't for me like a tree in a hurricane.

I will pray God teach me to be a good wife & lead me to my husband. All the while not severing the soul tie to a man I made my own plan with. I will pray I want to serve you Lord & the next instant get upset & have an attitude with someone who rubs me wrong.

We are supposed to plant, water & harvest the good things in our lives. However, we have roots that were planted long ago. Some of those seeds were planted as children, as unsaved persons & by wrong teachings. Whatever the case, when we examine the changes we need to make in our lives, we have to look at the roots. The surface level issues aren’t what really hinder us. Those things are the fruit of what was planted.

So as I struggled to be content in the Lord’s plans for me, I had to admit, the root of my discontent was lack of trust. If I was honest, my desires for the job I picked, the worldly labels I wanted & etc. were because, I didn’t trust that whatever God had planned was going to make me happy. I didn’t trust I would want what He was picking over my own choices. I didn’t believe God knew what was best for me….

I’m sure it was hurtful to The Almighty Himself, but it also hurt me too. How could I say I loved & worshiped Him, when I didn’t trust Him? We all know the #1 need in a relationship is trust. Was I even in right relationship with God, if I didn’t trust Him? The answer is I was in a dysfunctional relationship. I loved Him, believed in all His promises, but I had failed to let go of all I had built in my heart, from before I knew His son. Once I started tearing away at those roots, it got easier. I still struggle, but not the way I used to struggle.

Is there anything you go back & forth on in your walk? Do you struggle to walk out your faith in certain areas of your life? Is it because, maybe, just maybe, you don't think God is big enough for that 1 thing?

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